comments 12

on Sunday

flowers

on Sunday

i will wake.   disappointed.

again, as so many times before.   to find it’s true.    

from the other side now.   inside out.   hoodmother.

the back of motherhood.  her corners dusty.   circle closed.

baby H

on Sunday I will miss and cherish you, beautiful h,  because it was you who made me a mother, first. 

i will close my eyes to kiss fat toes,  scoop round belly,  run silken hair through fingers

and oh, the smell.  the smell.  of my own child, so sweet.

well before you were born you were mine and so,

well after you are gone you are still.    and always.

.

on Sunday I will spread my blanket for all mothers

who’s mom-ness didn’t go as planned.

for her, for you,  i will breathe deep.  and exhale.  gaze to blue and pray.

she who longed and wished and waited, pleading

please, please.  these unanswered prayers.

she who suffered.  the miscarried, the stillborn, the aborted, the never quite made it. 

hopeful embers who refused to ignite.

she, who raised those borne of others, and loved them close

i remember you, i know you.  yes, we have met.

.

on Sunday, you are a mother, all and truly.

you birthed  — the glow of love

you delivered  — a promise un-keepable

you nurtured — a craving unmet, never forgotten

.

on Sunday,  for the ones who

eat no pancakes, place no flowers in a  jar, answer no echoing long distance phone calls.

i honour you, with reverence.

.

on Sunday, empty your pockets full of stones.   i will hold your tired heart so you may rest awhile. 

i see you now, and

i am sorry.  to not have noticed you standing there before.   enduring Sundays past

i was blessed.  once.  twice. 

still am.  a beautiful girl.

such riches.

h & l

for all the sparks that rose from the fire too soon.

blinking off into the night, ahead of schedule

.

on Sunday please recall the bedrock truth

you were part of a miracle once, and

a miracle that doesn’t last

is still a miracle.

.

on Sunday.

  

12 Comments

  1. Becky Knapton

    When we are broken open – when at first all seems dark, is often when cracks of light appear to us and shine through us. Tara, you are shining a light for all with your heartfelt words and memories. Keep that light burning for yourself and others.
    Thank you, with love,
    Becky

  2. Ros Guggi

    Tara. This moved me to tears. Thank you for thinking of others through your pain. Your writing is beautiful, powerful and honest. Sending you hugs. I will be back in North Van for a time in June and would love to get together.
    Ros

  3. Meagan Smith

    Tara, thanks for reminding us through your beautiful words that there are many kinds of mothers. Happy Mother’s day to ALL mothers. Especially to you.

  4. Janet McGuire

    So good, so so good. I keep rereading and finding more.
    “you were part of a miracle once, and
    a miracle that doesn’t last
    is still a miracle”.

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