While still employed at that busy sleep deprived radio place I had booked a week long yoga retreat…in Italy. I know, it’s decadent but I’d been to too many ‘celebrations of life’ lately for way too young people and took a flyer. And then…I didn’t have to work any more. It was a sign! A secret little direct message that life would be ok, the %&# hadn’t hit the fan and maybe I was meant to doddle with friends over long wine infused dinners nibbling fresh focaccia bread and olives.
I had spent too much time after ‘freedom day’ riding the endless roller coaster loop of why, why why? That sucker has some gravitational pull. Everyone who gets the heave-ho feels the same way. At first. Why did that happened, what did I do to manifest it, what could I have done differently to change the outcome?
But none of that matters because here you are. There I was, in the perfect place to let it all sift through the strainer and deal with what really is.
Our cozy little yogi group including a Parisien Vanity Fair culture writer who in true French fashion brought her e-smoke to the mat, a lovely blonde Roman yogger (yoga blogger), a Russian + American couple and their baby living in Switzerland and 2 incredible teachers Chloe and Nico Luce. We spent a week pushing ourselves and not pushing ourselves. It was here that I realized deep in my cells that everything would be alright. Oh sure, I knew that already but now the fear was gone. The idea of the future without that glorious paycheque I took for granted for so long was not as scary any more.
It could have been because the people here all shared something. Or it could be the way my friend Emily and I systematically worked our way through the wine cellar. Either way, this well timed possibly pre-ordained week to think and not think totally saved my ass and my mind, from fretting and worrying and wondering what’s it all about? That fruitless little hamster wheel we all jump on when we can’t find anything decent on Netflix. These people shared a commitment to unconventional living, a desire to experience life on richer more meaninful terms and a love of noticing the joy of simple moments and deep beauty. These adults without ‘real’ jobs had homes and cars and nice clothes and were in fact attending a fancy yoga retreat. Nobody was starving here. In fact, they all had shit eating grins on their faces most of the time.
Who cares why things happen. What matters is embracing right now, standing on your head and seeing what change shakes out of your pockets.
x ~ tara