Three Years

Canada Day long weekend is a rough one for me, for our family. There is a building heaviness like the whump of low pressure before a storm. The rain and mercury sky make perfect sense.  July 3, 2018 will mark 3 years since Holden left us and continued on his journey. There is a deep ache in the soft-quiet place where he should be.

I’ve been trying to remember Holden in ways that are not associated with photographs. There must be more than these rows of squares. The rewatching of a glance or a touch or a word with no visual reference to hold it. Today I’m envisioning the last time I saw my son. He is standing in the doorway of our kitchen saying something ordinary like ‘see ya later.’ The top of his head nearly reaches the door jam and his smiling cheeks, above the auburn scraggle of a beard, are light pink. I can see his green eyes and hear his deep voice vibrating in the air between us and re-know how grateful I was to have him so close and solid.

I want to thank you for continuing to remember Holden in whatever form suits you. His life was important and his legacy continues to have impact in many ways. It always makes me happy when someone tells me about a way that Holden has affected them either while he was alive or since then. 

With that in mind I want to let you know that The Second Annual Holden Courage Memorial Graffiti Jam will be held Saturday, August 11th as part of the Vancouver Mural Festival.

The location will be the same as last year – Main & East 5th Avenue, Vancouver. If you were there last year or have visited his gorgeous mural you know the spot. The large H O L D E N mural will remain intact and the other two walls will be buffed and repainted by new artists – Guts, Mable, Sage, Vers2 and Nabes.  Each of these artists has been given a photobook of Holden’s artwork and shown a video of the amazing collaboration done last year by Holden’s close friends. 

Holden is the last person who would tell anybody what to do so I have simply asked that these talented artists consider him at some point during the formulation of their own projects. I’m really looking forward to seeing what they create.

The VMF is sponsored in a (very) small way by the Holden Courage Memorial Fund for Artists.  If you would like to remember his passing by contributing to his fund we appreciate your support, if not, we appreciate your support. Graffiti of any kind is still illegal in Vancouver. We will continue to fund street artists and work to create spaces where they can express themselves freely through the dynamic art form of graffiti.

It’s valuable to remember in the purest way you can. I keep Holden close by loving what he loved.

Peace, Love and Happy Canada Day,



  1. Dan McGuire

    Thanks for the reminder Tara,


  2. Dad, or Daniel McGuire or Dan McGuire

    This is a very sad time of the year for all of our family. Please excuse my errors or omissions.

  3. Bob Boonstra

    I’ve been following your writings as well as the hardships you have faced over the last number of years. Your dad’s passing won’t make things any easier.
    If it helps, I did know your dad well and rode many many kilometres with him, Norm Brodie, Deirdre Arscott, Manfred Kuchenmueller and others.
    Your dad was such a fine man – strong in every way and an inspiration to me and others in our cycling pursuits.
    We had great fun together traveling through Holland, Germany and into France for the 1987 PBP.
    I hope friends and family can get together at some point and share a few memories.
    I sent another message earlier today but thought I’d add this just in case.
    Barb and I send our condolences to you and family. We are thinking of you in this very challenging time.

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